Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Practically Perfect in Every Way... by Rindi

I've been thinking a lot about perfection lately. After all, that's what we are all striving toward, isn't it? But it's harder than it sounds! Sometimes I get discouraged and focus on the imperfections in my life instead of recognizing the things that are going well. But by definition alone, if there are ANY imperfections in my life, then there is NO perfection, right?

A "perfect" moment on the golf course!

Sometimes I get glimpses of perfection, though. It seems like half the time things are going perfectly well. The house is clean or the yard is freshly groomed and looking great. Or I've fixed a nice dinner and the kids are all happily eating it, or Greg and I are enjoying date night--hand-in-hand, so in love. Or we finished a nice family prayer and read our scriptures. Or bedtime is going smoothly and I'm happily sitting in the hall reading heart-warming stories to the kids from the "Friend" magazine. Or we are on time to church and looking all spiffy. Or the kids are being cute, or smart, or talented, or funny, or happy, or whatever. Or I am being successful at exercising, or reading my scriptures, or saying my prayers. Or Greg and I are super in love, and so happy to be together. Or the kids are nicely doing their chores, or practicing their piano. Or we are riding our bikes together as a family in the evening and the weather is so beautiful that I'm just sure that I have the most perfect little family in all the world and that there couldn't be a happier woman alive than me.


What about the other half of the time?

Like when the kids won't stop bugging each other, and someone is always crying. Or the dirty laundry is so deep on the laundry room floor that it stinks. Or when those loving gazes are icy stares, and the irritation and frustration of the moment becomes overwhelming. Or when I serve cereal for dinner...again...or better yet, we barely have dinner. Or when nobody will help, and the kids are lucky to get into bed alive, let alone a heart-warming bedtime story. Or when we forget to say family prayer, and I realize that I can't remember our last scripture-reading session. Or when the lawn is overdue for a mow, and the back patio is covered in chalk, and the toys are strewn all over the grass. Or when the house is a mess, or the fridge is empty, or the dad is too tired to play with the kids after work. Or when we are late for church and I've yelled the whole way there in the car. Or when my prayers have gotten rushed and repetitive, and I haven't exercised in weeks. What about those moments when I am just tempted to run away because I must be the most miserable woman in the world?

See, even during our good moments, I can recognize that we aren't perfect. Nobody is. But the problem I have is wondering if my bad moments are worse than everyone else's. Do most people stay on the "perfect" half of things more than I do? Inevitably, on a bad day, I will read someone's blog about the darling activity they did with their children, or the marathon that they just completed, or the romantic getaway they had with their husband and how they are absolutely best friends. And their pictures all look adorable--of their kids, their husbands, and their life. And I think, Wow. I am more imperfect than everyone else. Luckily, I always regroup and head back towards the positive side of things, but somehow the imperfections keep cropping up-- the impatience, the messes, the busyness of life. I guess I am a bit of a perfectionist. I always knew that life would have its moments. But I always thought that it would be "practically" perfect in "almost" every way, minus a few mishaps every now and then! I didn't know I'd be batting .500. I think I'm missing the mark half of the time.

Still, I love my life (at least half the time! Ha!). The "perfect" moments are what make life worth living. But I know I need to do better. And I keep holding out, thinking that when my kids aren't so little...or when I don't have a baby...or when I'm not so pregnant...I'll be a little closer to the "perfect" woman that I dream about in my mind. You know the one--the woman who has it all together all the time? I want to be her someday. But I'm definitely not her today. And maybe that's okay. Maybe that's normal and maybe it's not. Maybe other families are batting more like .800 or .900, but I'm going to keep standing at that plate and swinging away. The strikeouts are painful, but the homeruns are heavenly. And for now, that is about as perfect as I'm going to get.
-Rindi :)


Judi said...

Hey, if you were batting .500 in MLB, you would be an allstar and get paid MILLIONS upon MILLIONS of dollars! So you are a superstar.

I remember in college I put up a sign on my wall that said, "be ye therefore Perfect" and I actually believed I could attain perfection...then I had kids. Now, I will settle with .500 perfection!!! and when I am perfection level goes down to least.

Em Russ said...

If you are batting .500, I am probably pulling a .125! I never did bat quite as good as you!

Seriously though, thanks for keeping it real. It makes me feel better about the 3 ft (not exaggerating) pile of laundry sinking up my floor!

Miss you.

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