Thursday, February 10, 2011

How Texting "sort of saves" my marriage :)

Thursday has always been my favorite day! So Yeah for Thursday....sister #4 Stalee

For those of you who are face-to-face-communication challenged, take heed to the advice below……

I will take you back to a time ten years ago when I was sitting in my mom’s house during my bridal shower. Just like every bridal shower in the United States, women give the bride advice on how to make her marriage as wonderful as their own. The ladies at my shower threw out ideas like, The less he knows the better (what?? um...not the best advice, but whatever), Don’t go to bed angry, and Never forget to pray together before bed because you can’t pray mad (which I found to be totally untrue; I have done it many times!). I listened to the advice, but thought, Oh, not in my marriage. We will be perfect and handle everything perfectly. We will spend our days being in love!

Well, life catches up to you and soon enough there is a “disagreement”. Suddenly, all the bridal-shower advice comes rushing back. For example: Don’t go to bed mad. Well, if you are like me or anyone in my family, PLEASE, PLEASE, just go to bed. The later it gets, the crazier we act. I can’t count the times my mom has said to us, “Just go to bed! Things will feel better in the morning.” The first few times I tried to “not go to bed mad,” we spent hours and hours going over and over things and getting madder by the moment. Something that started small would turn out to be huge because I was following what was supposed to be some very wise counsel! It has taken me about ten years to figure out and come to grips with the fact that sometimes my husband and I are face-to-face-communication challenged. This is where texting comes into play.

Let me give you a little insight on how I came to this conclusion. One day, Clint was out of town and we were talking on the phone. I told him about a girls’ weekend I wanted to go to. He was not keen on the idea and said a few things I did not agree with. We hung up not too happy with each other. I got off the phone, and with steam coming out of my ears, I texted Clint. I told him my feelings and left it at that. I, of course, started cleaning a million miles an hour. (Why is it that when you are mad you get so much more done?) After some time (like an hour or two) I heard a familiar ding-ding in the back bedroom where my phone was. I realized I just got a text. I picked up my phone and saw that it was from Clint.

Clint: “R U going to stay mad all day?”

Stalee: “Maybe:(” (but of course my heart was softening a little because, oddly enough, that is how Clint apologizes sometimes.)

Clint: “I am sorry. At first I was really mad, but then I started thinking about everything you do for our family, and of course, you should have a life too. So go and have fun on the girls’ weekend.”

Gazing down at the words staring up at me from my phone, I could not believe it was over just like that. I felt my heart soften the rest of the way. Don’t worry! I’ll leave out the “sweet nothings” which I texted back!

But just like that, something that could have been a big deal if we had talked it out face to face, turned quite peaceful thanks to texting. If I had nagged the heck out of Clint over this subject, there is no way he would have come to the conclusion he did. Texting gave him time to think and space to breath, both of which he needs, and both of which, no matter how hard I try, I do not give him face to face. (Plus, it was helpful that he was oblivious to the steam coming out of my ears for that one brief moment!) So now, during a bad moment in on our home, you may hear our cell phones dinging as we work things out.

Five Reasons Texting Has Saved My Marriage
(okay, so maybe not “saved,” but definitely “shortened” some of our disagreements!):
1- A phone does not have facial expressions.
2- There is not a sarcasm font. Everything sounds a lot kinder through a text.
3- It gives you time to cool down, and you don’t have to respond right away.
4- There is no way to interrupt a sentence when you don’t like what is being said.
5- You can delete a text, but you can never delete words said. “Once it leaves your mouth, you can never take it back.”

So the next time you feel your blood pressure rising and you feel yourself about to blow, make everyone’s life easier and try texting it out.
I am just sayin’
:) Stalee


Kate said...

I love this! We've been married for 10 years, and we just FINALLY figured out the same thing. Texting is great for us too!
(By the way, I'm one of Rindi's friends from Toledo.)

Anonymous said...

Stalee, I wished I could text more. I think Dad and I would do great with it too. It is very interesting that every marriage has to work out their own system.

love mom

Judi said...

Love this! Texting is great. Even when you not mad it is fun to get a little "love note" in the middle of the day via text.

Eardley Family said...


So funny!! Great Post!


Tami said...

Sta, you are so right... Nick and I do the same with email too. It is amazing what taking a breather can do to a marriage. And, for the record, I don't remember hardly any of the advice I got at my showers. Thanks for the fun insights.

Em Russ said...

Johnny and I have gotten in fights over texting because we imagine (or miss) the sarcasm... oh drama! I totally agree though that texting can be awesome! I can't believe we ever lived without it!! :) Great post!!

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